Memoirs of a Hokage
by Domestic Servant
Summary: Of time-outs, expletives, and confiscated porn. Naruto reminisces on an old-school D-rank mission of the genin days. Complete crack.


**Disclaimed.**

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Memoirs of a Hokage

It was way back in our early genin days; we were all on a mission, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei and I, a D-rank mission, no less...easy as cup ramen, right?

Little did we know, it was to turn into a life or death situation...

It all started on the second morning of the mission. I had awoken up to the sounds and smells of a delicious breakfast being prepared, solely for us ninja who were selflessly lending a weeding hand to the old lady who called for us.

Was that miso I smelled?

Why, yes it was!

I made my way to the small kitchenette, where Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, and Sasuke were already seated. They were all awaiting my arrival, naturally.

"Did you get a good rest, Naruto-kun?" asked Kakashi, his head buried in his erotic novel...that is, until, the old lady whapped him in the head for being indecent at the table.

_"Why don't you go hire yourself a whore and get laid instead of killing off brain cells reading that smut!"_

Hmmm, I was beginning to like this lady, and I had a feeling that my other two teammates were as well.

"Snap out of your stupid musings and sit down so we can all eat..._dobe."_

He did know how to push my buttons! Damn did I hate Sasuke. But no matter, he had a point. Not about being deadlast or anything (_though, as much as I refused to admit it, I was deadlast at waking up_), but about being able to eat. A small fox-like grin crept up onto my face as I realized how I could mold this situation to my liking.

Later on, as years past, I would soon find out why my conniving grins were similar to those of foxes. But that's another story for another time.

Anyway, I grinned and Sasuke glared and Sakura swooned at Sasuke's glare while Kakashi rubbed his head tenderly, weeping for his confiscated porn. Wow! What a mouthful.

I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. "I hafta use the bathroom first. Make sure you wait up for me, please!"

The old lady smiled. "Of course, dear. We wouldn't dream of starting without you." I was beginning to like her indeed.

Approximately thirty minutes passed and I returned back. Sasuke was grimacing, clutching his stomach, Sakura still had hearts in her eyes, and Kakashi was in a fetal position on the floor. "Finally you're back. Sit the_ fuck_ down and let's _eat," _demanded Sasuke.

By then I was starving, so I plopped my little ass down and began to shovel rice into my mouth. Sakura did the same, albeit a tad more daintily, and so started Sasuke, until his chopsticks were stopped by a firm, wrinkled hand that I must say did _not _belong to me.

"Young man, I will not allow expletives to be voiced at my table! You're getting a time out," she said gravely. All three of our mouths open, mine spilling over with rice, Sasuke was led by a firm hand to a stool in the corner. He was grumbling something half-coherent, about not having a time out since before Itachi killed off his family. It was the first (_and last time_) that I heard him speak of the Uchiha massacre so lightly.

But whatever. His fault for being such a potty mouth.

Kakashi was still on the floor, now sucking his thumb, which proved to be an incredible feat seeing as how his mask was in the way. But nevermind, Kakashi was known to do things impossible for other human beings. So, being the unattentive and deprived teacher he was, he did not notice the injustice that was being placed upon his star student.

Not that I cared. In fact, it was all the more merrier for me as I deliberately ate my breakfast in front of a famished Uchiha prodigy.

'_I will end you'_ he mouthed.

_'Try' _I mouthed back, biting a large chunk of meat off of a kebob.

And it wasn't my fault, either! Sure, I might've provoked him, but did that mean he could go off and spout out _bad words? _

Absolutely not, I say, and --

_"Naruto! Thanks for watching the kids for us. How were they?"_

_"Awe, mom! He was in the middle of telling us a story about daddy!"_

_"Hrm...what story?"_

_"The one where you said a bad word and had a time out."_

_"Naruto. Don't lie to my offspring."_

He thinks this is lying? All right, I admit, I may have exaggerrated some, but --

_"More like all. Now get outta my house."_

Kids. Tell your dad to pay me.

_"Get. Out."_

I'm telling you, he's still bitter over our skewer fight, which, unfortunately, I wasn't able to get to in the end. I --

"_NOW."_

For the record though,I kicked his a --

_SLAM_

--

--

Tried an odd little style. I hope it's not hard to understand! Naruto is actually sitting for Sasuke and Sakura and he's telling them a story about a kebobs and a fight involving the skewers. Sakura and Sasuke come home in the end, before Naruto can finish and their lines are in italics.

Just to clear things up :)

Hope you enjoyed. I have no idea where this came from, but I'mma post it just because I haven't been frequenting the Naruto frandom as much lately. Just now I have started back up again.

_arrividerci_


End file.
